The Gathering of Our Family Stories

I sat with my father for five days, watching him slowly and peacefully leave our lives. As one friend said, a “profound experience” to do such a thing, and I was continuously surprised by the upwelling of stories that came to my mind as I watched the slowing breath. In his life passing before me I also saw portions of my own life with him, and that brought comforting joy.

While sitting there I saw a message come through from Stephenie Flora, the creator of Oregon Pioneers – Trappers, Missionaries & Pioneers, who wrote, “While we are all researching and digging up facts on our ancestors’ lives, please don’t forget to gather information from those still living. And equally important, remember to document the important events in your own life and that of your family. I have attached a file that I used to interview my mother and father before they passed. And even then, the stories I had heard a hundred times, that I knew I would remember, are lost and forgotten because I did not document them at the time. I recorded my interviews and transcribed them later, so it was a more natural setting for exchanging stories. I ended up with some priceless interviews to hand down. I hope you take the time to do the same…“

Her words resonated because part of the reason I created this website was to preserve memories, and then share them with others. Like Stephenie, there are many stories I have “lost and forgotten,” but I have also been fortunate with whatever force drove me to start collecting photos, letters, documents, books, and records from family members. The digital world we live in now, despite whatever drawbacks you imagine, provides ways to collect and preserve family stories that once only existed through oral history… and when the storyteller died, so did the stories.

My dad wasn’t a writer in terms of journaling, keeping a diary, or writing stories himself. And so, many stories died with him yesterday. But we are still here, we still have stories, and we can still pass them forward. The events of my father’s life affected who I became, what course I took through life, my beliefs, and my passions. He is the fabric of my being, just as I will become fabric of my children’s lives. Remembering where we came from, how we got to be where we are, and who we are, distills the important parts of us that we then pass on to others.

It becomes, in my view, incumbent upon us, to make some small effort to gather stories and memories. In our busy lives, that can feel daunting. An even more daunting task is trying to get someone else to do it. I’ve only seen a few instances where an elderly grandmother or grandfather actually sat down to write the story of their life, and while the content was magical, it is a rare thing to find.

Sometimes a friend from your past keeps the memories for you. On hearing of my dad’s passing,

Patty: “I have no words, but I have memories of going fishing with your Dad. He always had a smile.“

Me: “Tell me the story.” And then she gave me this –

“I remember a fishing trip to Fishermen’s Bend on the North Santiam River near Mill City, OR with Mark and his father Jim. I had often fished for lake trout with my own Dad, so I was pretty confident I was ready to fish in a river. Pole in hand with line heavy enough for a nice trout and some worms for bait, we all walked to the river’s edge. Jim knew my fat worm wasn’t going to catch any kind of fish in this river. He found a nice juicy insect on a nearby branch to put on my hook. Moments later, I told Jim my line was hung up on the rocks. He laughed and said it was a fish… not a trout but a salmon! I was terrified, but Jim was excited and kept telling me I could bring in this monster of a fish.

Jim said, “You just need to tire it out.” Under the watchful eye of the “Coach” we worked together to reel it in. Sadly, the salmon snapped the line with a head shake and disappeared. I still have that pole some 55 years later, think of Jim when I see it, and remember he taught me that fishing isn’t about catching, it was about a great day with two amazing friends along a river’s edge.“

Memories exist everywhere, you simply need to ask.

Stephenie’s suggestion to interview someone would be a wonderful way of collecting memories. It can be video, voice recorded, or written. It can be done casually, in familiar home settings, and it doesn’t have to happen all at once, but in several visits with the conversation being about some part of their lives. Stephanies “Life Story Questions” is a wonderful guide to helping you do an interview with someone in your family and I’m happy to share it here:

Besides chronicling PNW history and my own family’s place in that history through this website, how else am I taking my own advice? What about my life story? I was gifted a delightful little book, “Tell Me Your Life Story, Dad,” and it has provided me, in this hectic life of ours, moments to write a tiny bit nearly every day, about my life, for my children. It is a guided journal, a memory keepsake, plenty of blank spaces, with leading questions about all facets of one’s life. It is, in short, a remarkable concept, and an easy way for me to write the events of my life to my children.

I’m blessed to have had a dad who taught me so many things, who wove the fabric of my being. I hope to continue telling the story of myself for my children. And I sincerely hope that my stories inspire others to dig for stories, to assemble histories, and to pass it on.